The Autibrain Project. A new beginning.

Have you ever wondered: “why don’t I fit in”? Have you often felt like you tried to fit in, but were still an “outsider”? I have felt like an outsider for years! I had no idea what was wrong with me and I had no idea that I had been that very way ever since I was born!

My name is Demi, I got diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) at the age of 25. For years, I thought I was just weird. For years, I assumed I was just introverted and nothing else.

I’m an introvert, yes. But I’m also on the Autism Spectrum. My brain, as I often explain it, is running on a different operating system than those who are not diagnosed with ASD. For people like me, certain aspects of socializing and various other elements of daily life are tough. From trying to understand and decipher social cues, to making sure my sense aren’t overloaded or overwhelmed. Lights can be too bright when it’s at a normal brightness, sounds or certain fabrics can cause physical pain, because the brain handles the information differently.

I'm more focused and can stay on a task.

While, most of my senses seem to react fairly normally, I do notice some curious tendencies.

My desk light, a white light or a pale yellow light, is often too bright for my eyes. Cigarette smoke and especially the smell I never got used to. I often avoid people who smoke and often excuse myself if more than one person smokes a cigarette in a smaller room or space.

Aside from that, I also have been diagnosed with ADHD and GAD. The ADHD part of my brain is more manageable but needs a bit of a push, so I can remain focused. With this medication, this pill, I’m more focused and can stay on a task, for quite some time. Which I wasn’t able to do without the medication. Without the medication, I was all over the place. I could spend mere minutes on a task before starting a new one. This happened more than once throughout the day and caused me to realize, once taking the medication, that the task hopping was pure hell.

Enter the last diagnosis to tie everything into a neat package: Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

This last diagnosis causes for all the diagnoses to tie in together. Not only that, but they are connected to each other as well. I can’t conquer some obstacles in my life if I don’t tackle the Anxiety. Neither can I tackle certain other mental health issues, such as depression, without tackling the Anxiety or making sure I received the necessary help for my Autism diagnosis.

Autism is a developmental disorder.

I didn’t have the help before my diagnosis, and I’m still struggling with getting the necessary help to make sure, that I can function as normally as possible in society.

When I first got told I may be Autistic, I wasn’t upset. In fact, I had no idea what it meant to be Autistic. I knew my mom was slightly surprised when I told her. But I also suspected she was worried about me and my future. Because what I didn’t know, was that Autism had some serious stigma. People were at times, so upset because of the diagnosis, that some parents blamed vaccinations. Others wrongly assumed that bleach could cure Autism. Of course, none of this is true. Vaccinations don’t cause Autism. Bleach can’t cure Autism. Vaccinations don’t affect the way a brain develops. It affects our immune system when it comes to certain bacteria and viruses such as the flu and more recently: Covid. It doesn’t affect the brain in any way. It strengthens the immune system by allowing the body to create antibodies which will fight the virus once it enters the body.

Autism is a developmental disorder. The exact cause isn’t known, but what is known is that the brain during the growth process of a child, develops differently than it does in Neurotypical children.

I don't want this space to be antagonistic to anyone.

So, that being said, I didn’t know that I even was Autistic. I didn’t even know there was a stigma on the disorder either. Yet, I got diagnosed with all three. I was lucky I read up on it, prior to getting tested. But I had no one in my immediate vicinity that could help me. I had no one that I could talk to when I needed some help. I had no one that I knew of that was on the Spectrum that I could talk to.

That’s why I created this blog. I wanted to create a safe space where I could share my story, my journey. Because I know there are more people out there that want or need a ‘big sister’ or a ‘bestie’ they can talk to. Someone they can receive support from. I want to create a safe space for those experiencing the same wishes, or needs as me: wanting a safe space and a community for people on the spectrum.

I don’t want this space to be antagonistic to anyone. I want this place to be safe, supportive, and I will share my story alongside information I read up on. This can be new findings, new research and things I have read in books that I will link to personal events and scenarios in my life.

This blog will focus mainly on my journey and my story. Sharing information I find online from various sources and that I will link to things that happened in my life. I’m not going to claim all of these bits of information are facts and will remain factual, but at the moment of posting, it probably was a fact.

If you like what you read, please consider sharing the blog posts or the blog with friends and family. If you want to stay up to date, please consider subscribing to my blog.

Last but not least, I want to emphasize that every story is unique, and it’s OK to ask for help and support when you need it. If you feel like, by reading these posts, you need some help; don’t hesitate to contact a parent, guardian or professional.

If you want to see certain topics, please feel free to reach out through the contact form or leave a comment. I’m trying to add some social links still, but I’m stumbling upon issues. I may just include the links, listed in an updated about page or a specific socials page. But I’ll see what I can do!